Power of the spoken- or written- word...

Sometimes someone says something. Or writes something. Or sings something. Something that you needed to hear. Something that speaks straight to your heart. This happened to me the other day. Someone said something to me that I needed to hear. "Sometimes what is the right thing for each of you, in the long run, is the best for both of you." Did I mention that my friend was so wise. This is the last week of Joshua being in Whistler. At least for the next five months. It is real. It is hard. But it what each of us need to do. Joshua needs to go. And I need to stay. And this is whats best for the both of us for now.

I will miss him

I haven't written in a while. They main reason being is because the biggest thing I wanted to share was not really mine to share. That and the fact that if I am completely honest with myself I was worried with what people would think. I am living it and I don't completely understand.

Joshua is heading home. He flies out from Vancouver homeward bound on May the 1st. I just signed another 6 month lease. In Whistler. For now this is my home.

I love him. With all my heart. And he loves me. But our dreams for the moment are different. No one ever tells you this. That you can meet the man of your dreams and that your happily ever after may not always link up. Stupid fairy tales not giving us all the information.

So here is the low down. We are not breaking up. Yes we are doing the long distance thing. Yes we know how hard it will be. And no we don't want to hear your story about how long distance didn't work for you.. or your friend... or your friends friend. We don't want to lose each other and ironically we have never been closer but sometimes, as the saying goes, you have to do what you have to do.

Where will you be?

I get emotional. Essentially I am emotional. And this includes all emotions. I have never been a "Hold it in" kind of girl and honestly as I accepted who I am as I grew up my emotions only become more prominent. But I get away from myself so back to the point.

Today is my day off. I only get one this week so I am determined to enjoy it. Firstly I slept in. Then I awoke put on two loads of washing and made myself my cup of tea and lunch (I told you I slept in.) Then I watched the latest episode of Glee. I, much to Joshuas distaste, love this show. Perhaps it is my love for musicals or music in general that does it but I love it. I love the way that a song has the ability to truly touch our heart when too often our words can only fail us. This episode was a doozy. A character attempted suicide due to bullying that he was receiving online. A horrible reality for so many. Even when I was in high school a student that I knew from another school (I come from a very samll town) committed sucide. How horrible to be so sad that you feel that there is no way out or past the situation or circumstance that you are currently in. I have never experienced true depression myself but a few of my loved ones have. Things are just different/ harder for them. And I would be truly devastated if I lost them.

The question was asked during the episode "What do you look forward to? What do you see in your life in ten years time?" So how about it? What will your life look like? Where will you be? Who will you be?

3 in the Morning

Last night I woke up at 3 in the morning. I then laid awake for over an hour worrying. An hour. No new information was received. I just went over and over and over the same information. Nothing was achieved. Nothing was gained. I just worried. People say you don't know what you have until it is gone. Perhaps you don't know what you have until you have a chance of losing it.

So They Say...

They say that Happiness is fleeting. They also say that Happiness is a state of mind. A choice. Which makes me wonder. When our Happiness is so affected by our loved ones and people in our lives who's choice is it. I can't help feeling in this moment that sometimes the choice to be happy isn't our own. A loved one can make a choice that is for their own happiness but this choice can strip us of our own Happiness. We can only choose to be happy for their Happiness and hope and pray that that Happiness will soon wear away out our own heartache.

Note: I realise this is vague and odd. More information to follow.

Hating me 101: First of all you don't know me. Second of all... You don't know me.

Learning is constant. Will I think it totally should be. Which should always be growing. And learning. Right now I am learning to deal with people. Well to be more specific learning to deal with people who do not like me. For one reason or another really are not a fan of little old me. This normally doesn't bother me. At all. Which I am normally just fine with. I am understanding. I get it. Some people we just click with. Others we simply don't. That doesn't make me a bad person or them a bad person it simply makes us different people. Which again is normally fine. But sometimes those people that you don't like... well you can't escape. Get away from. stuck in your life whether you like it or not. You know how it is. So here is part one. Things you should know before you decide you hate. And perhaps it will give you a reason not to hate me. Maybe even a glimpse of how I am. And why I am how I am.

When I was younger I was a people pleaser. To the point where I didn't know who I was. There was the real me then the washed down and diluted version of me. A me that I didn't even like let alone recognize. One day or perhaps one week I decided to change this I decided to let me be me. For my yes to mean yes and for my no's to mean it. In making this decision I grew in a way that I didnt expect. I started being on my side. I started believing in myself and my rights as an individual. In becoming more unapologetic I become more understanding. People didn't have to agree with me for my opinions to be my own. They didn't even have to agree with me. I was totally okay with that. Unlike the younger version of myself that was convinced that I was right and everyone else should totally agree with me. So while you hate me.. you should appreciate the fact that my face is my face. The only face I have. Definitely not two faces here.

I am... Australian

I currently live about a fifteen minute from work. Which I walk to and from five days a week. This is a nice time. I often contemplate how I am feeling, my thoughts and the general goings on of my life. Today I contemplated Australia Day. And what makes me Australian. More than how I love a good barbie along with the best of them or how being at the beach with my family and friends makes me feel as if I am home. While I am sure there are certainly more things I only live fifteen minutes walk and so this is what I came up with. The first being the obvious.

I was born in Australia. In a small town in Western Australia. To my Australian mother and father. It was a country little town which in many ways was just like many other small country towns in Australia. A pub and a town hall and not a lot else. But it was home. And then our little family moved away when I was ten to small beach town. A small town that loves the coast and the lifestyle that goes with that. A town where a day at the beach is the best possible use of a day off. A beautiful little town where my family and friends still live. A small Australian beach town that I still call home. My home. Even when I am on the other side of the world.

My love of the under dog. I have always been a fan. A very big fan. I love that someone who no one expects anything of can come from behind and have a win. Someone that nobody thinks can, can win and does win. A nobody can win and I love that. I love the Underdog and am not ashamed to say that I am a huge huge fan. And speaking of fans I am also a big fan of the Come Back Kid. Someone who can come back from adversity through hard ship and have a win. Someone who will not be defined by their past or their current situations or hardships. Long live the Come Back Kid.

I have religious beliefs. I believe in God. But you know what I am allowed. And in Australia you are allowed to not believe in God and also allowed to believe in a different God then I do. I don't have to worry about people bursting the door down because I do believe. I am not going to get thrown in jail. Life is good and I am free to have religious beliefs. And not just those beliefs I am allowed to have political beliefs. Life is good because if I dislike what my government is doing I can voice that opinion. Out loud. In public. And if I wanted to change things I can. I can vote. Or I could run for government. If I am not happy with the way things are then I have the opportunity to change things. I am free.

Since travelling I haven't heard the Australian national anthem that often. Which is perfectly natural I guess. I heard it the other day for the first time in a long time and I am not ashamed to say it brought tears to my eyes. I miss Australia. It is an amazing country. And I am blessed to be Australian. I am blessed to be free.



Much love to you,

Forever free and a lover of the underdog,

Karen xoxoxo